What nobody warns you about when you lose a spouse is how incredibly busy you are in the immediate aftermath. My church family did an incredible job helping and supporting my family. For them to know how to support, they needed my input. As a way to illustrate the business, my doctor gave me a prescription for Valium to help me sleep. It would knock me out for 12-14 hours. I never took it because I did not have a 12 hour span of time where there were no demands on my time.

Here are some of the things that filled the time:

The carpet in the entire upstairs needed to be replaced. It was all the same carpet and was contiguous without a natural break. In an unfathomable act of service, my Bishop and his Executive Secretary cleanup the blood from the bedroom so there was no trace of it. They had to strip the carpet down to the subfloor, and then scrape some of the subfloor to remove all the staining. My brother bought me a rug to cover the spot so I could live in the bedroom. Sleeping in the house again after Cassidy passed was hard. Let me tell you about that.

On Saturday, May 7th, 2022 through fortuitous events, I ended up alone in my house. Up to this point, there has always been someone with me. I stood alone in the master bedroom at the spot where Cassidy died. I looked at the large section of missing carpet and could smell the chemicals used to clean the subfloor. As I stood there, I found myself having a conversation with Cassidy, albeit a rather one-sided one. I won’t record here exactly what I said, but it was the first step towards coming to terms with her passing. It was therapeutic and I have not had any serious issues sleeping in the master bedroom again.

Aside form coordinating the new carpet installation, working with an insurance adjuster to get homeowner’s insurance to cover the carpet (which they did), coordinating meals with members of my church congregation, arranging activities for my daughter, working with my other children to start planning the funeral, and answering hundreds of texts and emails from people who knew and loved Cassidy, I decided to make Cassidy’s casket.

Making the Casket:

Some people might think it strange to make the casket for a spouse. But I would remind those people that making the casket has always been the family’s responsibility. I made my father’s casket 11 years ago, and it was a cathartic experience. I hoped making Cassidy’s would be, too.

Due to scheduling issues with my daughters and the funeral home, there was about a three week gap between Cassidy’s death and her funeral. I wasn’t sleeping much anyway, so I spent my sleepless nights working on the casket. Here is the finished product:

Making the casket is an opportunity to think about how your loved one can be remembered, and making the details to match their personality and how you want to grieve. It was no different for Cassidy. I believe she would have thought it was beautiful.

Cassidy’s funeral was on Friday, May 27th, 2022. The funeral home needed the casket to be delivered by the Tuesday before. I finished the casket at about 3:00am on Tuesday.

As I finished, I sat alone in my shop staring at the casket. Having it done was surprisingly hard. It made Cassidy’s death real. This thing I had been working on for my wife for weeks was now done. I sat in my shop, sobbing, as I stared at the finished casket. I don’t know when I finally went to bed, but I know I didn’t sleep. The casket was done, the funeral was planned, and it was all about to happen over the next few days, regardless of how ready I was for it to happen.