June 5th, 2022

Cassidy would have been 41 today. Despite my having a raging head cold (probably from weeks of terrible sleep), I spent some time at the cemetery.

Cassidy and I loved making music together. It was the one thing that carried us through 20 often difficult years. Even on the days when Cassidy was struggling with her illness, if I picked up a guitar and started to play, she would come sing. These were magic moments. Tiny glimpses into a relationship seemingly just out of our everyday grasp.

I took a brownie with lots of edges (Cassidy’s favorite) and a candle to the cemetery. I sang some songs for Cassidy, and the wind blew out the candle for her. I don’t know what her wish was, but I hope she is happy.

The difficulty with Cassidy’s birthday is that in many ways it feels like a normal day. She isn’t here to celebrate, so it doesn’t feel special, but I don’t want that ember to go out yet. I am going to try making new traditions to keep the important dates special. Playing songs for her in the cemetery is probably a good start.