Three times in the weeks since Cassidy died, I have had very vivid dreams about her. These were dreams so real, I could have sworn they actually happened. I will tell you about the one I had today.

After I got off work I took the dog for a walk. My daughter was at a friend’s house, so after my walk I had about an hour before I needed to start making dinner. I decided to take a nap. I grabbed a blanket and sat in my overstuffed recliner in my study. I put on my noise-cancelling headphones and fell into a deep sleep. This was what I dreamed:

I was standing on a deck behind a house I did not recognize. The deck overlooked the most beautiful yard I had ever seen. The grass was so green and lush, the yard was bordered by vines, ivy, and flowers. Several large oak and birch trees grew in the yard. I was busy arranging furniture on the deck and I could hear Cassidy talking to me, but I didn’t see her. She was telling me how she wanted the furniture arranged eventually, but added that I may not be able to do it. I responded by saying “why not? look, I already did it. It’s exactly like you wanted.”

In the next moment, I was leaning against the railing of the deck, and Cassidy was standing in front of me with her back to my chest. I wrapped my arms around her. I could feel her hair brush across my face, I felt her hands on my hands. I could smell her. Her skin was warm with just a hint of summer sweat. I held her so tight. I looked at one of the large oak trees which had a horizontal branch perfect for a swing. I said “that branch would be perfect for a swing. We finally have a yard with a tree perfect for a swing. We always wanted that.” Cassidy replied “We finally have what we always wanted when it is too late to enjoy it.” I squeezed to close to me and whispered “I miss you” in her ear. Then I woke up.

Both psychologically and theologically, nobody is really sure what happens when we dream. Some dreams are clearly generated in the brain, but other seem so real, profound, and informative, I wonder if those dreams are actual interactions with unseen worlds. I don’t think we can know that answer, but I still wonder.

I wonder if other widowers experience ultra-vivid dreams like mine. I wonder how long they will continue to happen. I get the feeling that my dreams with Cassidy are just temporary to help get me through the hard parts of losing her. I don’t know why I know that, I just do.

Have you ever experienced a dream like this? If so, would you be willing to share your experience in the comments?