My oldest daughter recently came back home from college. As she was setting up her bedroom she was cleaning out the hall closet. I was working in my study as she was doing this. At one point she came into the study and said that she found something that might make me cry. She wanted to know if I wanted it then or later. I asked for it then.

She handed me a list Cassidy had made for me many years ago detailing the reasons she loved me. It was a thoughtful gift. As I read through the various things Cassidy and I shared during the good years of our marriage I found that I was overcome with emotion but not what might be expected.

I was not filled with grief, I was filled with gratitude. I was grateful that I was able to love her so completely. I was grateful that I was able to make her life a little better. I was grateful for the beautiful daughters we have together. I was grateful for the strength I gained from our trials. I was grateful that Cassidy no longer suffers. I was grateful for the time we had together. I was grateful for the peace that now fills our home and my heart.

I didn’t cry. I smiled. And I realized that I no longer feel grief. I feel gratitude. There are still mourning moments. Occasionally there are mourning days. But these don’t cripple me or strain me. They just drag to my memory the good we had together. Memories for which I am grateful.

Rest in peace, Cassidy. Thank you for the good times. Thank you for letting me love you. Thank you for loving me back.