Suicides are investigated as homicides until the facts prove there was no foul play. Because of this, the police took as evidence everything that directly related to Cassidy’s death, and everything that was on her person.

The one thing they had that I really wanted back was Cassidy’s phone. I won’t detail here everything they took, but among them was the gun she used to kill herself.

Another thing they gave me was the autopsy results. Luckily those came in a sealed envelope which I plan to never open. I asked and was told that the autopsy report likely includes photographs. I don’t want to see those.

Seeing all the stuff on my desk, wrapped in brown paper and evidence tape, is like a pile of Christmas presents from hell.

So I’m not really sure how I feel about all this yet. I’ve waited over 4 months to get this stuff back, and now I have it and it’s very strange. Cassidy’s phone is now charging on my desk. And all the notifications that have been piling up over the past four months keep buzzing. So much of our lives is tied up in our phones, so it’s a bit unsettling to see her phone living on after she died.

So yeah, I’m in a weird place psychologically. I’m not completely sure how to process having all this stuff back. But for now I just need to brace for all the emotions that are sure to come as I open these packages. And for the time being, I think I’ll put her phone in airplane mode.