After my last post, I was reading my Bible in the evening and had a fully-formed thought enter my mind. This, for me, has been an indication that God is speaking and I best listen. Of interest is that what I was reading in the Bible was 1 Kings chapter 18, which is the story of Elijah challenging the priests of Ba’al to a divine barbeque cookoff . In opening his challenge with the Israelites, Elijah asks ‘how long halt ye between two opinions…’

The thought that came to me was essentially the same question, but with it came a very different context than Elijah asked it in. What I understood was that I knew I needed to move on, but was halting between two opinions, moving on with a new relationship on one hand, or embracing being single on the other.

To follow that direction, I have tepidly dipped my toe into the murky and dangerous waters of online dating. I found a website especially for LDS singles, and created a profile. The tepidness is manifest in the fact that I wrote the profile specifically to prevent anyone actually trying to contact me. I am pretty sure God saw what I was doing, and outmaneuvered me by having someone reach out to me.

There was a terrifying moment where I realized that an actual living, breathing, woman wanted to talk to me. This was the point where my initial reaction was to recognize that this whole enterprise had been a huge misunderstanding, and I should just delete my profile and get back to the business of being alone. Again, a fully-formed thought came. This time, was a warning to not retreat into myself or I would miss the path God wanted for me. Deep breath. I replied.

After messaging back and forth for a bit we finally had a conversation on the phone, and I must say, it was really nice to talk to someone again. Cassidy had not been able hold a conversation for years because of the mental health issues she had. She just couldn’t stay engaged in conversation. So being able to just have a real conversation was refreshing.

Now, for those wondering, no I am not dating anyone. I am just talking, and have made that clear with my interlocutor. For her part, she is also desirous to just talk as friends for the foreseeable future. It is just good conversation and the pleasure of getting to know someone. So, I see this as a tepid toe-dip. But at least I am not halting between two opinions. I didn’t choose the path my natural disposition wanted, but is the path God seems to want for me, and I trust that it will work out.

For all my friends and family: if you see me doing anything stupid, please intervene. I am really worried about being pulled in too fast and I may need help avoiding that.